


Thousands of Tiny Pieces

by phantomdieb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Heartbreak, M/M, Onesided Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 09:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomdieb/pseuds/phantomdieb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly time stopped around him and he felt like everything else in his life just became meaningless. Because standing there was the prettiest human being he had ever laid his eyes on. He inhaled sharply. Play it cool, Kuroo.</p><p>He smirked. “Kou, bro. Who is that pretty boy you got there?”</p><p>Bokuto grinned at him. “That's Akaashi and he's my setter. The best setter ever, okay?”</p><p>Akaashi bowed politely and Kuroo felt like he got just hit by a truck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thousands of Tiny Pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hatakaashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatakaashi/gifts).



> For my lovliest Bro.  
> The Chili to my Broccoli.  
> The Kuroo to my Bokuto. 
> 
> Because you gave me the inspiration to write this.  
> Because you motivated me.  
> Because you're an angst fucker just like me.  
> And also because you made me fall in love with this pair in the first place.
> 
> Thank you.  
> I love you♥

Kuroo was beaming when the captain told him to wipe the floor. He saluted and went to get a mop, completely ignoring the half annoyed, half amused look his captain definitely gave him.  
He wiped the floor along with some other second years, all careful to not leave a spot. Because if there was anything their coach didn't like, it was sloppyness.  
  
After they were finished, the coach assembled them, as the other team finally arrived.  
Kuroo stretched, even tiptoed despite being already one of the tallest members of the team, just to see him first.  
  
It was hard to not find him, even between all of his team members. If not for his hair, then definitely for his loud voice. Kuroo couldn't stop himself from grinning.  
  
  
His grin turned into confusion though, when he noticed that Bokuto wasn't looking for him as well, but instead was talking excitedly to someone next to him. There were too many people to see that person properly though. So he waited. The moment Bokuto spotted him though, he only had eyes for him. Bokuto ran towards him and jumped right into his arms, so Kuroo had to catch him.  
  
“Kou, get your heavy ass off of me,” he laughed.  
  
“You love that ass.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
They grinned at each other and started laughing. Only when Kuroo heard someone clear their throat, he remembered the other person. His curiosity took over and he looked at them when he put Bokuto down safely.  
  
  
Suddenly time stopped around him and he felt like everything else in his life just became meaningless. Because standing there was the prettiest human being he had ever laid his eyes on. He inhaled sharply. Play it cool, Kuroo.  
  
He smirked. “Kou, bro. Who is that pretty boy you got there?”  
  
Bokuto grinned at him. “That's Akaashi and he's my setter. The best setter ever, okay?”  
  
Akaashi bowed politely and Kuroo felt like he got just hit by a truck. But he tried to play it cool.  
  
“Yo, I'm Kuroo.”  
  
“I guessed that. Bokuto-san has told me about you. Actually, he talked about you the entire bus ride long,” Akaashi replied  
  
He felt light, so light. His voice was so warm and smooth. He could listen to it for hours. At least.  
Ignoring the fluttering feeling in his stomach, Kuroo threw an arm around Bokuto.  
  
“Bro, I didn't know you love me that much.”  
  
Bokuto grinned at him. “Bro, I love you even more than that!”  
  
They grinned at each other. But Bokuto's attention soon shifted back to Akaashi.  
  
“Akaashiii~” he whined. “don't make that face.”  
  
“That's my normal face, Bokuto-s-” Akaashi got interrupted.  
  
“You don't have to feel left out.”  
And with that, he threw his free arm around Akaashi and pulled him close.  
  
  
Kuroo felt like he got electroluted when Akaashi's hand accidentally touched his shoulder.  
  
  
He was gone. He was completly gone.

 

–––

  
  
It was almost exactly a year later and Kuroo was now in his third year. Quite a few things had changed.  
  
He had learned to control the ball better, no matter which hand he used to spike it. He became captain of the volleyball team, having Kai as his vice captain. He became even taller. And he had finally admitted to himself that he had definitely fallen in love with Akaashi.  
  
  
Kuroo couldn't recall what it was exactly to make him realize that. Whether it was when he had used that calm way of his to approach a problem, or when he had handled some delicate matter so gently, that Kuroo wished to be involved into it.  
  
  
Maybe it had been when he had shown his devious side, teasing Bokuto just because he could, carrying a big smirk on his lips.  
  
No matter the reason, the result was the same though. And though it had been hard at first, to admit it to himself, he became quite content once he finally had done so.  
  
  
It had some downsides, too, though. Because Kuroo found himself daydreaming about him way too much. In school, at practice, when doing his homework or watching TV, when eating, when lying in bed, and he even dreamed about him, sometimes.  
  
And whenever a practice match with Fukurodani came up, Kuroo always beamed over the fact that he was going to see Akaashi again – Bokuto was suddenly only his second thought.  
Sometimes he felt like a bad friend because of it, but it's not like he could control it, he always tried to calm himself.  
  
  
Kuroo daydreamed about confessing to Akaashi more than once. But whenever it came to it, he chickened out. He was too afraid of getting rejected by him.  
  
Why would someone that perfect want someone like him?  
  
But then he mentally slapped himself and reminded himself that he was amazing. And great. And good looking. Fuck those thoughts!  
  
  
One day, Bokuto messaged him, and while it looked like he just keysmashed, Kuroo could see that he had indeed tried to tell him something. While he tried to deciper Bokuto's words, the latter just called him.  
  
“TETSU,” he yelled, even before Kuroo could say hello. “I'M THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE.”  
  
Kuroo grinned. He always loved it when his best friend was in a good mood.  
“Don't you mean, you're the happiest OWL alive?” he jokes and was satisfied when he heard Bokuto's thundering laugh from the other side of the phone.  
  
  
After he calmed down. Kuroo finally asked: “So, okay. Tell me the news, bro.”  
  
He could almost feel Bokuto vibrating from excitement.  
  
  
“Tetsu. My bro. My man. I asked Akaashi out and he said yes! We're dating now!!!”  
  
  
Suddenly, all of Kuroo's excitement was gone.  
  
“You're.. what?”  
  
“We're dating!!”  
  
  
He felt like his heart was being squeezed tightly, until it shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.  
But he knew that he couldn't let it show, so he swallowed his feelings and tried to actually sound cheery and genuinely happy for him.  
  
“Congrats, Bro. I'm happy for you. You got a good catch there.”  
  
  
But Bokuto being Bokuto, he picked up on Kuroo's moodswing.  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
  
Kuroo bit his lip.  
“Uhm, yeah. Sorry, I got a little distracted. My mum wants something from me. Sorry bro, I'll talk to you later.”  
  
He hung up before giving Bokuto the chance to say anything else.  
And so he didn't hear him saying: “Didn't you tell me that your parents wouldn't be home for a week?”  
  
  
Kuroo stood in his bedroom. Lost. Hurt. Broken.  
  
He didn't notice until his phone slipped from his hands and he tried to pick it up, just to see that everything was blurry that he was crying. Tears streamed down his face and it hurt. It hurt so much.  
With a sob he fell to his knees and hugged himself before he completely broke and started to bawl his eyes out.  
  
  
He couldn't stop crying, even though his throat started to hurt from all the wailing and his head hurt. Kuroo almost jumped when he felt a hand on his back and looked up to see Kenma standing there with a worried expression on his face. Kenma quietly explained to him that he had let himself in after Kuroo wouldn't open the door, considering that they had made plans to meet up today. And since he had a key to Kuroo's house, just like Kuroo had a key to his, he had opened the door.  
Kuroo tried to get his shit together and breath in deeply, but it just turned into another sob and more tears falling.  
  
He was so exhausted.  
  
  
Kenma passed him a tissue and waited patiently for him to wipe his tears away before he helped him to get up and led him to his bed. He disappeared for a minute and when he came back, he had a glass of water in his hands which he made Kuroo drink. The empty glass was put on the nightstand and Kenma climbed onto Kuroo's bed, making space for his childhood friend to join him. He didn't complain when Kuroo cuddled up to him and put his head into his lap. He put away his PSP and started to card his fingers through Kuroo's hair. It took a while, but then Kuroo started to relax and soon after he fell asleep.  
  
Only when he heard his peaceful breathing, Kenma picked up his PSP again and continued to play his new game.  
  
  
When Kuroo woke up the next morning, he was alone and, to say it lightly, he felt completely like shit.  
  
But despite wanting to stay in bed and not ever move again, a look at his phone told him to get up and get ready for school. Kuroo sat up and stretched. Every single muscle in his body protested but he forced himself to get up. His look fell on his nightstand, where he found another glass of water, along with a paper. He picked up the paper and started reading Kenma's handwriting.  
  
'Stay at home today,' it said. 'I'll tell the coach and your teachers that you're sick.' Kuroo put the paper away and drank the water, thankful for having a friend such as Kenma.  
  
  
He felt miserable, but staying in his bed was no option so he took his blanket and moved to the living room, where he curled up on the couch and watched some crappy TV program. Around noon, he ordered himself some pizza. He didn't want to know how he looked like when the delivery man's eyes widened when he saw him. He payed him quickly and tipped him generously before he went back to the couch.  
But the entire time, he had a blank expression on his face.  
  
  
After finishing his food he got up to go to the bathroom and when he came back and curled up on the couch again, his attention shifted back to the TV. And he instantly regretted it.  
  
A couple was kissing, and kept saying things like “I've always loved you” and “I've been in love with you since the first time we met.”  
  
It hit Kuroo hard as he immediately thought of Akaashi.  
  
He couldn't stop the tears from falling again.  
  
Kuroo curled up under the blanket and hoped for the pain to go away.  
  
  
He calmed down fairly quick, in comparison to his first breakdown, but he felt awful nonetheless. The somewhat neutral mood was gone, and instead of feeling empty, he felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest brutally.  
  
He sniffled and blowed his nose when the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Kenma who came to look how he was doing, he opened the door. But it wasn't him.  
  
  
“Hey Tetsu, what's-”  
  
Bokuto stopped talking when he saw Kuroo's face, his eyes red and puffy from crying.  
Kuroo pulled the blanket a little tighter around himself and then stepped aside to invite Bokuto in. He felt shitty, but that didn't mean that he had to be a shitty friend as well. Especially since Bokuto seemed to be worried enough to appear unannounced.  
  
Kuroo told him to sit down in the living room and went into the kitchen, where he prepared two cups of hot cocoa.  
  
  
Once they were both sitting on the couch, holding a mug in their hands, Bokuto asked him what happened.  
  
Of course he would ask him that. Kuroo should have been prepared for that question. But how could someone admit something like that?  
  
  
Kuroo took a sip from his hot cocoa and put the mug down. He fiddled with his fingers a bit, trying to find the right words. But when he opened his mouth, no sound left his lips and he felt like crying again. Except that he just physically couldn't cry anymore. His eyes burned and his head hurt and so he sobbed. He sobbed so heartbreakingly that Bokuto just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him to his chest, holding him tightly and gently rubbing his back. Kuroo buried his fingers in the fabric of Bokuto's shirt and tried to take deep breaths to calm down again.  
  
  
Only when he felt the pain in his chest lessen a bit he dared to open his mouth again.  
“I'm sorry, Kou. I'm so sorry.” He bit his lip to stop himself from sobbing again.  
  
“You don't have to apologize. You're my best friend, right? So I'm here for you.”  
  
Kuroo clenched his fist. “That's… that's not what I meant.”  
  
“Huh? Then what are you apologizing for?”  
  
“For being a shitty friend,” Kuroo blurted out.  
  
Bokuto was confused. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Kuroo hid his face in Bokuto's shirt and took a few deep breaths.  
  
And then, quietly, he said: “I'm in love with Akaashi.”  
  
  
He felt Bokuto tense up and he had never been so afraid of silence before. What if Bokuto didn't want to be his friend anymore? He would've lost him as well. He couldn't lose him. He couldn't lose him. _He couldn't-_  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Nothing more. But he still rubbed Kuroo's back, and he was still with him, and he didn't get angry. So he quickly tried to explain.  
  
"I've had a crush on him ever since I first saw him. And I fell for him in out last game of our second year. And I just.. I just can't forget him, no matter how hard I try. So when you told me that you two are..that you two are dating I just... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."  
  
He sobbed again.  
  
  
“I have to admit, I'm a little surprised. And a bit shocked, too.”  
  
Kuroo squeezed his eyes together, hoping. Hoping that he wouldn't leave him. _Please, don't go._  
  
“Shocked that I didn't notice. I'm sorry, Tetsu. I didn't know. I called you to brag but I hurt you with that and I never wanted this. Forgive me.”  
  
Kuroo's eyes burned again and he just sobbed against Bokuto's chest, letting himself be held tightly.  
He mentally apologized to his best friend.  
  
_I'm sorry for doubting you._  
  
  
Bokuto wanted to stay the night to make sure that Kuroo was okay, or at least as okay as he could be, but Kuroo sent him home.  
  
He didn't go to school for another day, and just slept the whole day. Only then he kicked himself back to school. Kuroo still looked bad and he knew it, and he knew that everyone else could see, so it didn't surprise him when Yaku approached him and asked him what was wrong.  
But Kuroo just smiled at him and told him that everything was fine. An obvious lie. And it made Yaku a little angry.  
  
“Wipe that fake smile off your face, Kuroo, and tell me what's wrong. You usually mope about things that could be easily solved so spill it.”  
  
Kuroo clenched his fists. “I'm fine, Yaku. There's nothing wrong.”  
  
Yaku wanted to call him out on his bullshit, but Kenma interrupted him by calling his name. When the libero looked at him, he just silently shook his head. Yaku sighed and he really wasn't satisfied with this, but he gave Kuroo a clap on his shoulder. This time, his voice was soft when he spoke to him.  
  
“I'm here, if you need someone to talk or vent to. Or to just distract you. Whatever it is that's eating you away, you don't have to handle that alone, okay?”  
  
Kuroo nodded and asked himself what he had done in his past life to deserve friends as perfect as this.

  
–––

  
  
It was a few weeks later. Kuroo had calmed down and didn't feel like bursting into tears every few seconds anymore, even though it still hurt a lot.  
After talking to Bokuto the night before, Kuroo had made a decision. And so he met up with him.  
  
“Hello, Kuroo-san.”  
  
“Hey, Akaashi.”  
  
Akaashi sat on a swing at the playground, so Kuroo sat down on the swing next to him.  
“Bokuto-san told me that you have something you want to talk about with me?” He sounded curious.  
  
“Indeed.” Kuroo took a deep breath.  
“I think it's only fair if I told you about it, considering I already told Kou about it, so...”  
  
He got up and got in front of Akaashi, who looked up to him. Kuroo clenched his fists.  
“I'm in love with you,” he croaked out.  
“I have been since the end of my second year. And I know you're with Kou, but still. I wanted to tell you.”  
  
His heart was beating like crazy, even more so when Akaashi's expression turned into one of disbelief.  
  
“And-and… I don't want a reply. You don't have to say anything or.. I don't know. I just-”  
Great, now he was rambling.  
  
“Kuroo-san.” Akaashi's soft voice made him shut up.  
  
The younger one stood up to look him in the eye.  
  
“I'm flattered. I really am. And I'm glad you told me. But as you said, I can't return your feelings. I love Bokuto-san. But I hope, we can still stay friends.”  
  
  
_Pain._  
It hurt.  
But he had expected this to hurt. He knew it would hurt.  
  
  
Kuroo nodded.  
“I hope so, too.”  
  
“I'm sure that one day you'll find someone who will cheerish your feelings and treasure them, more than I'm able to.”  
  
Kuroo smiled at him, even as tears spilled from his eyes.  
“Thank you.” he said. “And you, take good care of Kou. He needs it.”  
  
Akaashi smiled back at him.  
“I will. I promise.”


End file.
